now and then

to be exact, it has been 14days, i officially lost you. Yea..no more.. no more you appearing on my mobile screen, no more you appearing on my lappie screen nudging me..and no more you here and there..

it was a moody day and i had had to come to this mode..the rain was pouring heavily out there and the environment in the office was so solemn.. was it because of my sudden sway of mood, or was it because of the sudden thought of you..

2 weeks gone and i had to admit that i still need to give myself sometimes to digest over my lost of you (literally) .. there are still your gifts that i brought earlier which supposedly for you with me..and im wondering what to do with them..shall i give them away? or shall i throw them away? for that subjected person who is entitled to have them, has gone far away..~

frankly, i woke up energetically with your words lingering all in my head.. this is what we called the hypnotized power of yours..

now, my stare lost into the gloomy sky out there..and keep praying for this day will never have to occured again..~

020609

These days im having my own time gathering my thoughts, figuring on how things should be done, what to be settled in sequence, who to meet, who and what should come first, whom shall i spend the time most with, what to let go, what to hold back..~


Thanked god..im lucky to have my own time right now figuring and planning on my future. No doubt each plan has its own diverted routes and uncertainties but im sure i will be brave enough to take a firm step to start on my journey. They said life isnt that scary. It is just tht we human predicting too much. We ought to predict on what lies ahead is scary and unbearable. Stop predicting and everything will be just fine.~


And of course at times i wouldnt deny that im too fear to face the reality world. Liars, pretenders, back stabbers, jerks, bitches, bullies..what else..?!? just name it and they are there to haunt you..but this is the truth and the truth is always hurt.~


I have decided to walk out from a sceptical life. I have decided to learn treasuring each and everyone dearly. Spending more times with the love ones, strengthening the bond and trying my best to give and do whatever i can. I have forgotten who that has waken me up and taught me to treasure those people around me. And im most regretfull when only this lesson came to my mind after 24years. And I swear i would not forget this lesson. But I would considered myself lucky enough for no one has left before me giving my all loving them and giving all i can especially my folks. ~


I scatches my plans with time lines. You know who you are, for you taught me that. And you know i will never dissapoint you j. I would like to give myself another 5 years or so, and i shall be travelling afar leaving this boleh land to pursue with my dreams which is just came into my mind. I wish to contribute something to this world before i die, not trying to sound over nobled but this is actually part of my dreams. Or at least i wish to proof to myself better that i can actually do something which has a direct physical contributions to my society.~


I slacked too much over the 24 years and i will never denied that. I browsed through my numerous collections of pictures and i realised that all that were only rubbish. I recalled nothing and i see no value out of it. I did not recalled on those memorable days which were supposedly touches my heart. And all i actually realised was only Regrets. If only i could have the determination to strive to the highest level of my strenght in my studies and achieve first class, i could have made my parents proud and i could have ended up in a well establshed firm, earning a good pay and a stable job. But unfortunately i have only realised this after i have completed my very first degree. ~ God is too kind for he gives me the courage and strength to pursue further in my studies again. It wont be so soon..but i am sure this will happen in my life time and I there will be a promised that i would like to keep to myself.~


I used to be contended with my life. It is a kinda blessed to feel in this way. But one day, a good friend of mine rings my bell, wondering where was my curiousity in life. He was of course referring to something else but his question somehow brings me back to reality and from then on, I will start questioning myself on where were my curiousity in most of my doings. From there, it somehow gives me some external push to keep me going.


I am not born in a wealthy rich family with my dad can get me out jailed earlier than the prescribed date with his influence just like Paris Hilton or owns a villa nor penthouse in every country. I am only born and taught to be a responsible person and pursue everything with your own capability. ~


And so im planning ahead and determining on how should my future lies. It will be just the way i want it to be for this time being. And i do wish to have some pleasant surprise to fall in occasionally. For Im im having faith with me. =P


~

22.05.09 cont

i am wondering if one day we happened to see each other on the street would you greet me with a sincere hello and offer me a warmth hug or will you just looked away pretending to talk to another girl that was cuddling next to you. Will you recalled back on our moments being together or will you just curse and swear on me after seeing me passing by ur way.

Will i shed a tear and dare not have the courage to turn back and looked at you both. Or would i fastened my foot steps and find another way just to bumped into you for the second time with my self made coincident. Or just head straight buried my head under the pillow and cry.

Wat would the conversation be after so long of losing touch with you. Could i start with hello to break the ice. How could i react when your eyes meet mine. Or i shall let silence to take place for every moment till we both said good-bye.

I dont know why, i just felt that u are trying very hard avoiding me. Either msn or fb. I know it well that you are appearing offline. Perhaps you have blocked me and i will never be surprised. I dont know why i am such a failure and i dont know why it has to ended up in this way. Could there be a turning point for us to be friended over again.

Frankly, i really hope i can earned you back as my friend. Was it so hard to take. Was it really that bad. Cant there be any reconcilation between us both. Must you acted in this strange way.

~sigh..

22.05.09

and so i am taking a break in Singapore then Taiwan. The whole durations will keep me occupied for 3weeks.

I am supposed to feel free and should be eagerly looking for my this vacation. Away from studies stress, free mind, relaxing ways of life..but actually i am not feeling so..

The whole vacation thingy was not in my plan at the very first place but somehow out of a sudden i was insisted to be included for the trip. I came with a hope but with a reluctant heart. I wish i could escaped and not to be caught in vain. I came to pursue a temporary happiness with a hope to leave the sorrow abandoned. But i am not strong enough to keep everything in the right track. And so this post happened to be posted out in my page.

I went for a walk alone in a newly place. For Two days have passed and im wondering why everything was just the same. I have tried many ways not to be in this deadly pace. Being emo and im wondering whether who to be blamed?

Pub'ing and clubbing were once my favorite place. i will never turned a cold shoulder to any of my random friend if they were jio-ing me to any of these place. Club dulu, exam later. We only young once. This is the only philosophy im holding on to. But now it has all gone with me myself no realizing it. Where is my passion to club and now im trying hard to allocate in back. Tonite i was supposedly to join my sis and her friends to pub celebrating her 25th birthday and club then after. But i have turned my sis down by telling her that i would like to stay home and help her to do the packing and finalize her things before we fly off.. ~dis might sounds so pathetic, but it was my own option and definitely not regretting on it.

Something is holding my moods back. I knew it and i wished to let it go. All i need is time. And i know im the kind which need a longer time than anyone else does. ~ sigh

I have captured numbers of pictures in sg but couldnt get them uploaded for i have forgotten to bring along the cable. guess will try to uploaded them whn i gt back..

~till then

Another Dull updates

i have just realised tht I have no interest in blogging anymore.. perhaps there are really nothing , really nothing excite me and the urge to blog has gone through times..

well..my life now is kinda slacking..completed my final 10days back as in completed my very first degree (provided i can pass all my final sem's subjects), gt all my books and stuff back home and cause my current room to be in a mess.. i ought to enjoy these few moments of days aka my holidays before i gt myself a decent firm to do my chambering.. and yet i couldnt let go my mood in a total stress-free mode and im wondering why..

i asked myself if im missing you..i paused a little while and have a deep thought over many random things..and at the end..i found myself answer dis question in vain-y..!!?

there are something in life are irreplaceble.. there are also the things that we know exactly that are next to impossible of waiting still we tend to put some hope in it..longing for its return and put ourselves to be deceived by our imaginary ways of thought..refused ourselves to be awaken up by the wicked truth of what we called reality..im trying hard to walk myself through this misery..with the prayers that i have never failed to say each nite before i doze-off to sleep i do hope tht those prayers will be answered one day..~

despite the slacking routine i have at home..nevertheless i find myself kinda enjoying helping my mum in the kitchen..i cook most of the meals at home from the day of my returned. I eat more than what a normal person could have consume. Probably more than 6 meals per day and each meal is a heavy and in a large portion.. and now im believing on the myth tht a cook can never be too thin. .

guess i shall capture all my cookings and just post it here and save all the typing.. :)

~damn.. im waiting to log in fb restaurant city..unfortunately still failed to do so..

till then..nitez

05-05-09

right now my dis little lack of capacity brain has lost its basic function to think again..gosh~ how easily for me to get caught in a dilemma again..the biggest headache causing matter is which firm to chamber..which firm to chamber..huhu.. after i have finally made up my mind to settle down in sititawan..then it comes to dis matter aka my main problem now is where to chamber..? can anyone help me in deciding..? can i have a good master..? good practice environment..? ~sigh

secondly..my head is so congested.. to go kl, singapore then taiwan in 2weeks.. shit..!! my sis really want me to die.. i have just finished my final and just moved all my luggages and boxes from my hostel back to my room.. all my things have not unpacked yet..now my stupid sis wan me to get over to her place..shit.. cant she just give me some times for me to have a good rest first..

thirdly..my financial status is in the red zone.. my financial-alarm has been blinking giving me warning tht there wasnt any $$ left for me to spend and some more dis rascal sis keep on urging me to go over her place.. she really thought tht im so rich hor..

fourthly.. i wanna get myself some part-time job for the whole june.. anyone mind helping me to get a month job..? any donkey job im sure willingly to do..i swear..

~till thn~ huhu

Recipe pls anyone..?

currently inloved with dis coison (actually how to spell it ah..?)
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Anyone with the recipe how to make it..kindly drop me a link..thx..

At last

Finally i have completed my very first degree.. recalling back..to have to really sit down alone in the quiet and cold corner of the library early in the morning was really scary.. sounds so nerdy as well.. yucks.. tht was the price to pay for each final..

as the one who cannot sit down and have my full concentration on books..i will tend to cam whore..haaha .. but these pictures will be a precious one someday..and definitely these pics will tend to remind me on how hardworking am i during my youthful days in pursuing my degree..haaha

~my colorful notes as usual..

~from my sitting view - in da library

~camwhoring and i did mms-ed to jing n chris..to let them noe, how hardworking am i.. :) i am wat..no? heehe

~just after i handed out my answersheets. Turned back to ask Devandran the one who sat behind me to have a short snap of me.. Evidence law II was the finalle paper for the entire 4years.. damn it.. this feeling just couldnt being replaced with words..keeke.. :P

~at last i can really kiss uum goodbye..~

p/s: I got a really good words from one of my beloved lecturer Mr. Rejab and his text goes like this..

"Thanks for the card and i really appreciate it. As with all teachers i shall be delighted to see my student excell in life. Frankly from my observation you have a huge potential to carve a niche as you are a bright as well as articulated and extrovert student..All the best. Remember the good things in COLGIS and leave the uneventful as history to be remembered. As a teacher I seek recompense for my short comings.."

~hmm..ended.

Chambering Dilemma

Chambering dilemma ?


Okay..and so dis feeling come to me after 2hours of conversation with my mom.. i am hesitating whether to have a kick start in my working life in kl or in sitiawan my beloved Hometown.. My my tried to tell me all the rationals and the pros if I were start and have my chambering period in sitiawan.. as she was concerned mainly on my lack of driving ability and also my financial status throughout my chambering period for the entire 9 months.. which i am quite agreed with..


My mom was suggesting on the pervious law firm where I have my attachment earlier.. the firm was good and the lawyer my master to be if i were to do my Chambering there, is definitely a good person. He is that kind of person that willing to share all his legal knowledge either in theoritical or in practical wise..He is definitely the man with the upmost respectful intergrity .. and the kinda person who is really comfortable to work with.. it is quite impressive when he can really discuss everything and relate everything to law..and he told me that we have to do legal discussion all time in order to know your rights..and whether these are the right things to do at tht particular time..BUT i do not plan to go back there to have my chambering there..perhaps i am figuring to get myself exposed with a criminal lawyer? a corporate lawyer? erm.. not sure what I want but definitely I really wanna give myself more options you see...


Hmm..guess right now is not the right time for me to think of this chambering matter first..all i need to do now is focus on my 3 upcoming papers in final.. Argh..Professional practice II , Jrisprudence II and evidence II..is definitely not a joke.. Have not even get through it once.. so dead..

P/s: Anyone who like to have me a UUM law undergrad as their chambering student..or anyone who like to suggest any legal firm to me .. kindly leave me a message or email to yong_yong15@hotmail.com. (i wonder this help ..? in solving my prob? hmm.. :)

*UUM law degree has been officially recognised with the exemption from taking CLP. Do not believe or not up to this great news yet? Here with are the link you can kindly check:

elawyer on UUM Law Graduates are Exempted from CLP
UUM portal



~till then.. lunch time.. :p

21.04.2009

12 more days...is hot to go..hot to go..~


huh..how eager can that be waiting and started counting days..to waive hard at the end of my uni life..~ Good bye UUM.. muacks.. i shall be returning on my convocation day..!! aint gonna miss you.. and i aint gonna come back on a purpose visiting you unless some special unavoidable circumstace occured..otherwise..i would like to stay a distance from you.. ~huh.. :)


earned a degree, numerous hearting friends, unwanted wrinkles, unpleasant scars-after insects bite, unwanted blisters' scars from frequent walk, skilled with the fighting bus tactics..erm..and etc..never fancy any of these except the first two mentioned.. ~ hmm.. guess it will definitely sth to remember 10years from now.. :)


one day guess i will post on my uni life here in uum for the entire 4years here...hmm.. with all those memorable pictures which i treasured more than anything else.. despite all the unsatisfaction i have in here..nevertheless this place has been my stepping stone or i shall regard this place to be my first pit stop in my life journey.. all the bittersweet escaped that i have been through..all the dearly people that i had bumped into.. all the knowledge that i have gained personnally either direct or indirect.. all the skills that i have mastered physically or mentally.. all the good and bad, pros and cons... hmm.. all this are definitely worth my time to recall back.. :)


right now kinda have this pleasant feelings of trying to get out of dis place, dis country, dis society..just feel like backpack to some other place..just wan the feelings of turning over a new leaf..hmm..and im wondering if this can ever happen...?

~recent-random pic which represent my current mood.. :) ~happy!!!

~random~

recently i just feel really contended with my life..there is really nothing for me to worry about..only curiousity left pushing me towards the abstract future that lies ahead.. im delighted daily..no stress..no worries..i guess dis is the feeling of security right after my degree has been officially recognised and being exempted from taking clp..there is no more underdog feelings nor there wasnt any feelings of regrets in me anymore.. :)

I really hope dis feeling will stay.. and will never be leaving me..for it really good to stay dis way now.. will always get a free smile from me nowadays..~ hmm.. really thanked God for everything.. feel blessed.. ~