Pleasant surprise

Just love Friday.

Home. Guess what..mum told me tht ah yi had sent me a gift. And she passed me a broken-sealed envelope. Fyi, there are 2 in house customs officers at home aka my parents, wh will checked everything before tht thing being passed to the adressee. So, what ever letter or parcel wh addresses to me, will be sabotaged before it could be landed on my hand.

~But tht gift never failed to surprise me. Love it la.. really appreciate ah yi's effort much. She has been really thoughtful. Hmm..owe her a big one..

~manage to grab a pic online..tadah..~

~p/s: does this so called law of attraction does exists? Has been planning to get a new watch for myself for the last 4weeks, and now I gt it. :) <3 <3 <3

Thx yi.

I am really tired of ppl.. perhaps to be specific, I am really tired of 'the drama/s' by each and everyone who has drama-ed out everything.

I figured that the incident was never tht easy.. I am sure you guys have planned and plotted out the whole script so sneakily and trapped me in.

How can the whole thing so simultaneously agreed by both of you with a perfect flow without any caught of the eyes winking at each other.

I was pushed to a corner with no choice. And only to nod with whatever had been coerced. Do I have an option? Never..

Do felt embarrassed and underdog but I am perfectly clear with my stand. Deep in my heart, I am perfectly strong with my own standpoint and that was why, I did not even struggled or fought back even though I had been coerced. All I need is just Time. Just a lil more time..and everything shall be alrite.

So I am praying hard to God each and everynite without failed, and hope that God will grant me with a strong courage to stay calm and strong for every hardship that might come along each day..

~till then

16.09.09

I am back.!!!

Transformation. According to the Dictionary.com it defines transformation as "The act or an instance of transforming".
Then blame not the movie, the transformations of the Transformers were too fast for your eyes to catch-up with the speed, instead the non of us can actually realize or see the transformation period of ourselves in life. What we actually realize is after the transformation and not during the process itself.

It has been quite sometimes ever since I started working, I do not have much leisure spare times for me to spend for my this blog. Not trying to be "LLB" which means "Looks Like Busy" or sounds like busy, but to be frank, I really think my priority and interests have changed.

Im so dead of exhaustion after work. I could not give a damn to anything else anymore. What comes best after a great shower, if it is not lying dead on the cozy bed with thick glasses and cuddling to a good fiction. I would really say No, to my lappie after work.

It was a continuation of this morning's incident that happened on my neighbor that makes me to mull over so many things. As I was busy preparing my breakfast in my kitchen, I overheard the grandma next door scolding her grandson harshly for not wanting to go to school anymore. Instead of having the urged to stop their quarrels, Im actually having the urged to run over and help the old lady with more lectures on her grandson and I really felt like giving him a nice tight slap while he was defending himself by uttering back all those vulgar words. But what I did was, to ignore and concertrating eating my breakkie.

My thoughts went far, I firgured, I wasnt any good if were to be compared to that rascal next door when I was at his age then. But I tend to think that Im real lucky to have gotten myself back in the right path of life. I felt so grateful for im not one of a contributor to the country's social problems. I personally think that nowadays schoolkids, start to have the "retirees" life style which I think is something bad for their age. They should have the commitment in their studies, and not waste their times in the cafe sipping away the expensive coffee with their RM0.00 income. What is there to talk in the cafe whole day, when they are not even old enough to share their life experience. I really dont understand them. They should have burried their head under the text books ler.. ~thinking over this makes me sick. Gathered my thoughts for work and finished up my last spoonful of cereals and off to work.

It has been 3months for me with my current job. Everything is fine but my pay. Im generating a super low income for the time being. What surprises me was my passion to work daily has always at par since the first day of work. Really hope that this passion will never fade itself away. :)

Kinda enjoying exposing myself with new working tasks daily. Meeting with lotsa great ppl. Dealing with funny funny matters. Catching up with my readings. Maintaining my household all alone. Basically, i kinda love my Life now. If someone ought to throw me a Q like, ''where would you like to be now if you are given a chance ?" My answer would be "Here!!!..and doing what I am doing now for what I am doing now is what I planned with no regrets.." :)

Perhaps the only regret that I am having right now is, I could not get myself devoted much yet my family members.. which I suppose this is just a temporal separation for im not staying with them..It is kinda weird to realized that as I am getting older, my love and concern only for my family. I would have trade everything just for them, I swear for I know they will do the same just for me. And realizing this, will never make me to fall for them all over again and again.. :) For my beloved dad especially, the love for him will never dies. :)

Hmm..I am FAT again.. welcome back those kilos'..!!! :(

~The causing factor for my Fattiness...too much of coffee aka sugar water.. + good cum heavy lunch daily :(

~Price to pay.. :(

~till then..

now and then

to be exact, it has been 14days, i officially lost you. Yea..no more.. no more you appearing on my mobile screen, no more you appearing on my lappie screen nudging me..and no more you here and there..

it was a moody day and i had had to come to this mode..the rain was pouring heavily out there and the environment in the office was so solemn.. was it because of my sudden sway of mood, or was it because of the sudden thought of you..

2 weeks gone and i had to admit that i still need to give myself sometimes to digest over my lost of you (literally) .. there are still your gifts that i brought earlier which supposedly for you with me..and im wondering what to do with them..shall i give them away? or shall i throw them away? for that subjected person who is entitled to have them, has gone far away..~

frankly, i woke up energetically with your words lingering all in my head.. this is what we called the hypnotized power of yours..

now, my stare lost into the gloomy sky out there..and keep praying for this day will never have to occured again..~

020609

These days im having my own time gathering my thoughts, figuring on how things should be done, what to be settled in sequence, who to meet, who and what should come first, whom shall i spend the time most with, what to let go, what to hold back..~


Thanked god..im lucky to have my own time right now figuring and planning on my future. No doubt each plan has its own diverted routes and uncertainties but im sure i will be brave enough to take a firm step to start on my journey. They said life isnt that scary. It is just tht we human predicting too much. We ought to predict on what lies ahead is scary and unbearable. Stop predicting and everything will be just fine.~


And of course at times i wouldnt deny that im too fear to face the reality world. Liars, pretenders, back stabbers, jerks, bitches, bullies..what else..?!? just name it and they are there to haunt you..but this is the truth and the truth is always hurt.~


I have decided to walk out from a sceptical life. I have decided to learn treasuring each and everyone dearly. Spending more times with the love ones, strengthening the bond and trying my best to give and do whatever i can. I have forgotten who that has waken me up and taught me to treasure those people around me. And im most regretfull when only this lesson came to my mind after 24years. And I swear i would not forget this lesson. But I would considered myself lucky enough for no one has left before me giving my all loving them and giving all i can especially my folks. ~


I scatches my plans with time lines. You know who you are, for you taught me that. And you know i will never dissapoint you j. I would like to give myself another 5 years or so, and i shall be travelling afar leaving this boleh land to pursue with my dreams which is just came into my mind. I wish to contribute something to this world before i die, not trying to sound over nobled but this is actually part of my dreams. Or at least i wish to proof to myself better that i can actually do something which has a direct physical contributions to my society.~


I slacked too much over the 24 years and i will never denied that. I browsed through my numerous collections of pictures and i realised that all that were only rubbish. I recalled nothing and i see no value out of it. I did not recalled on those memorable days which were supposedly touches my heart. And all i actually realised was only Regrets. If only i could have the determination to strive to the highest level of my strenght in my studies and achieve first class, i could have made my parents proud and i could have ended up in a well establshed firm, earning a good pay and a stable job. But unfortunately i have only realised this after i have completed my very first degree. ~ God is too kind for he gives me the courage and strength to pursue further in my studies again. It wont be so soon..but i am sure this will happen in my life time and I there will be a promised that i would like to keep to myself.~


I used to be contended with my life. It is a kinda blessed to feel in this way. But one day, a good friend of mine rings my bell, wondering where was my curiousity in life. He was of course referring to something else but his question somehow brings me back to reality and from then on, I will start questioning myself on where were my curiousity in most of my doings. From there, it somehow gives me some external push to keep me going.


I am not born in a wealthy rich family with my dad can get me out jailed earlier than the prescribed date with his influence just like Paris Hilton or owns a villa nor penthouse in every country. I am only born and taught to be a responsible person and pursue everything with your own capability. ~


And so im planning ahead and determining on how should my future lies. It will be just the way i want it to be for this time being. And i do wish to have some pleasant surprise to fall in occasionally. For Im im having faith with me. =P


~

22.05.09 cont

i am wondering if one day we happened to see each other on the street would you greet me with a sincere hello and offer me a warmth hug or will you just looked away pretending to talk to another girl that was cuddling next to you. Will you recalled back on our moments being together or will you just curse and swear on me after seeing me passing by ur way.

Will i shed a tear and dare not have the courage to turn back and looked at you both. Or would i fastened my foot steps and find another way just to bumped into you for the second time with my self made coincident. Or just head straight buried my head under the pillow and cry.

Wat would the conversation be after so long of losing touch with you. Could i start with hello to break the ice. How could i react when your eyes meet mine. Or i shall let silence to take place for every moment till we both said good-bye.

I dont know why, i just felt that u are trying very hard avoiding me. Either msn or fb. I know it well that you are appearing offline. Perhaps you have blocked me and i will never be surprised. I dont know why i am such a failure and i dont know why it has to ended up in this way. Could there be a turning point for us to be friended over again.

Frankly, i really hope i can earned you back as my friend. Was it so hard to take. Was it really that bad. Cant there be any reconcilation between us both. Must you acted in this strange way.

~sigh..

22.05.09

and so i am taking a break in Singapore then Taiwan. The whole durations will keep me occupied for 3weeks.

I am supposed to feel free and should be eagerly looking for my this vacation. Away from studies stress, free mind, relaxing ways of life..but actually i am not feeling so..

The whole vacation thingy was not in my plan at the very first place but somehow out of a sudden i was insisted to be included for the trip. I came with a hope but with a reluctant heart. I wish i could escaped and not to be caught in vain. I came to pursue a temporary happiness with a hope to leave the sorrow abandoned. But i am not strong enough to keep everything in the right track. And so this post happened to be posted out in my page.

I went for a walk alone in a newly place. For Two days have passed and im wondering why everything was just the same. I have tried many ways not to be in this deadly pace. Being emo and im wondering whether who to be blamed?

Pub'ing and clubbing were once my favorite place. i will never turned a cold shoulder to any of my random friend if they were jio-ing me to any of these place. Club dulu, exam later. We only young once. This is the only philosophy im holding on to. But now it has all gone with me myself no realizing it. Where is my passion to club and now im trying hard to allocate in back. Tonite i was supposedly to join my sis and her friends to pub celebrating her 25th birthday and club then after. But i have turned my sis down by telling her that i would like to stay home and help her to do the packing and finalize her things before we fly off.. ~dis might sounds so pathetic, but it was my own option and definitely not regretting on it.

Something is holding my moods back. I knew it and i wished to let it go. All i need is time. And i know im the kind which need a longer time than anyone else does. ~ sigh

I have captured numbers of pictures in sg but couldnt get them uploaded for i have forgotten to bring along the cable. guess will try to uploaded them whn i gt back..

~till then

Another Dull updates

i have just realised tht I have no interest in blogging anymore.. perhaps there are really nothing , really nothing excite me and the urge to blog has gone through times..

well..my life now is kinda slacking..completed my final 10days back as in completed my very first degree (provided i can pass all my final sem's subjects), gt all my books and stuff back home and cause my current room to be in a mess.. i ought to enjoy these few moments of days aka my holidays before i gt myself a decent firm to do my chambering.. and yet i couldnt let go my mood in a total stress-free mode and im wondering why..

i asked myself if im missing you..i paused a little while and have a deep thought over many random things..and at the end..i found myself answer dis question in vain-y..!!?

there are something in life are irreplaceble.. there are also the things that we know exactly that are next to impossible of waiting still we tend to put some hope in it..longing for its return and put ourselves to be deceived by our imaginary ways of thought..refused ourselves to be awaken up by the wicked truth of what we called reality..im trying hard to walk myself through this misery..with the prayers that i have never failed to say each nite before i doze-off to sleep i do hope tht those prayers will be answered one day..~

despite the slacking routine i have at home..nevertheless i find myself kinda enjoying helping my mum in the kitchen..i cook most of the meals at home from the day of my returned. I eat more than what a normal person could have consume. Probably more than 6 meals per day and each meal is a heavy and in a large portion.. and now im believing on the myth tht a cook can never be too thin. .

guess i shall capture all my cookings and just post it here and save all the typing.. :)

~damn.. im waiting to log in fb restaurant city..unfortunately still failed to do so..

till then..nitez

05-05-09

right now my dis little lack of capacity brain has lost its basic function to think again..gosh~ how easily for me to get caught in a dilemma again..the biggest headache causing matter is which firm to chamber..which firm to chamber..huhu.. after i have finally made up my mind to settle down in sititawan..then it comes to dis matter aka my main problem now is where to chamber..? can anyone help me in deciding..? can i have a good master..? good practice environment..? ~sigh

secondly..my head is so congested.. to go kl, singapore then taiwan in 2weeks.. shit..!! my sis really want me to die.. i have just finished my final and just moved all my luggages and boxes from my hostel back to my room.. all my things have not unpacked yet..now my stupid sis wan me to get over to her place..shit.. cant she just give me some times for me to have a good rest first..

thirdly..my financial status is in the red zone.. my financial-alarm has been blinking giving me warning tht there wasnt any $$ left for me to spend and some more dis rascal sis keep on urging me to go over her place.. she really thought tht im so rich hor..

fourthly.. i wanna get myself some part-time job for the whole june.. anyone mind helping me to get a month job..? any donkey job im sure willingly to do..i swear..

~till thn~ huhu

Recipe pls anyone..?

currently inloved with dis coison (actually how to spell it ah..?)
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Anyone with the recipe how to make it..kindly drop me a link..thx..