These days im having my own time gathering my thoughts, figuring on how things should be done, what to be settled in sequence, who to meet, who and what should come first, whom shall i spend the time most with, what to let go, what to hold back..~
Thanked god..im lucky to have my own time right now figuring and planning on my future. No doubt each plan has its own diverted routes and uncertainties but im sure i will be brave enough to take a firm step to start on my journey. They said life isnt that scary. It is just tht we human predicting too much. We ought to predict on what lies ahead is scary and unbearable. Stop predicting and everything will be just fine.~
And of course at times i wouldnt deny that im too fear to face the reality world. Liars, pretenders, back stabbers, jerks, bitches, bullies..what else..?!? just name it and they are there to haunt you..but this is the truth and the truth is always hurt.~
I have decided to walk out from a sceptical life. I have decided to learn treasuring each and everyone dearly. Spending more times with the love ones, strengthening the bond and trying my best to give and do whatever i can. I have forgotten who that has waken me up and taught me to treasure those people around me. And im most regretfull when only this lesson came to my mind after 24years. And I swear i would not forget this lesson. But I would considered myself lucky enough for no one has left before me giving my all loving them and giving all i can especially my folks. ~
I scatches my plans with time lines. You know who you are, for you taught me that. And you know i will never dissapoint you j. I would like to give myself another 5 years or so, and i shall be travelling afar leaving this boleh land to pursue with my dreams which is just came into my mind. I wish to contribute something to this world before i die, not trying to sound over nobled but this is actually part of my dreams. Or at least i wish to proof to myself better that i can actually do something which has a direct physical contributions to my society.~
I slacked too much over the 24 years and i will never denied that. I browsed through my numerous collections of pictures and i realised that all that were only rubbish. I recalled nothing and i see no value out of it. I did not recalled on those memorable days which were supposedly touches my heart. And all i actually realised was only Regrets. If only i could have the determination to strive to the highest level of my strenght in my studies and achieve first class, i could have made my parents proud and i could have ended up in a well establshed firm, earning a good pay and a stable job. But unfortunately i have only realised this after i have completed my very first degree. ~ God is too kind for he gives me the courage and strength to pursue further in my studies again. It wont be so soon..but i am sure this will happen in my life time and I there will be a promised that i would like to keep to myself.~
I used to be contended with my life. It is a kinda blessed to feel in this way. But one day, a good friend of mine rings my bell, wondering where was my curiousity in life. He was of course referring to something else but his question somehow brings me back to reality and from then on, I will start questioning myself on where were my curiousity in most of my doings. From there, it somehow gives me some external push to keep me going.
I am not born in a wealthy rich family with my dad can get me out jailed earlier than the prescribed date with his influence just like Paris Hilton or owns a villa nor penthouse in every country. I am only born and taught to be a responsible person and pursue everything with your own capability. ~
And so im planning ahead and determining on how should my future lies. It will be just the way i want it to be for this time being. And i do wish to have some pleasant surprise to fall in occasionally. For Im im having faith with me. =P
~